Musings Archives · Ashley Barnes

Are you tired? Or are you TIRED?

Musings

I’m a doer by nature. I go, go, go.

But I’ve learned to slow down. I’ve learned when I’m close to doing too much.

Except apparently when I’m doing something I enjoy.

I work a lot because I love what I do. It feeds my soul.

Which can make it hard to know when I’ve crossed the line from soul nourishing to soul sucking.

This week I hit that wall. It still didn’t feel like normal stress or burn out.

It felt like mild anxiety. Scattered and uneasy. Analysis paralysis. Like I was out of my body. And tired, despite good sleep.

And it wasn’t until I said it out loud that I really heard it. I’m tired. Not sleepy, my soul is tired. It needs rest.

I planned to use the space opened up this week from canceling Thanksgiving plans to catch up on some things, but I think instead I’ll read.

And do some yoga.

And get outside.

And rest.

Pigtails & Smiles

Musings

I forgot to post these earlier in the week.

Our granddaughter Millie turned 4 on November 16th!

This year has been a doozy but time keeps on moving forward.

And it’s moments like these that I’m reminded that even without a family Thanksgiving, all is well.

Even if we can’t have Christmas, all is well.

Jeff Goldblum famously said in Jurassic Park, “Life finds a way.”

It does, and it’s full of pigtails and 4-year old smiles.

Why Love Is More Important Now Than Ever

Musings

The world is shifting in front of us. We’re watching history unfold on a daily basis, in real time. It’s quite possible that nothing will ever be the same again.

Many of us are feeling ALL the unrest. And all the fear and the anger and the sadness. This is an extremely tough time for energetically sensitive, empathic people.

And many are having to go through it all alone, wishing they had someone with which to share this crazy time.

Admittedly, I’m glad I have a partner right now. We talk through the news stories every day. We share ideas about what’s happening and we lovingly keep each other in check. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we challenge each other.

But we don’t have to do it alone.

There was a time when this wasn’t the case. Not only did I not have the kind of relationship strong enough to feel safe sharing my fears and beliefs and hopes, but I honestly wasn’t even sure enough about my feelings to access them, much less share them.

It took lots of healing work and the love and support of a strong partner for me to get to this place and to feel safe. Which has made a huge difference in how I’m handling the energy of the current events.

And this why NOW, even with everything else going on in the world, is the time to talk about attracting a healthy, loving relationship for YOU.

Being in a loving and supportive partnership allows us to balance the feminine and masculine energies within ourselves, and with our partner.

When we have balance, we can heal and grow.

When we are loved and heard, we continue to heal.

And when we heal, we can be our truest, deepest selves possible.

And that’s what the world needs right now, and into the future – women who are awake, healed, and true to themselves.

These times are certainly tough, and there will more challenges ahead for all of us, both individually and collectively. Wouldn’t you like to walk into the future – whatever it may hold – hand in hand with a partner who will love, adore, and support you in all your endeavors?

If so, I invite you to reach out to me to schedule a complementary Heart Center Check-In today!

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Healing the Heart Wound

Musings

I see posts from so many women that are alone during this pandemic. They feel sad, overwhelmed, and lonely.

Not only that, they were alone before the current physical distancing rules, which adds salt to a heart wound that was perhaps already gaping.

It reminds me of a time, before I met my current husband, when I was struggling through my own deep heart wound.

The heart is an amazing organ. It’s both tender and tough, keeping us physically alive and also allowing us to give and receive love. It gives us the strength we need to get up and face each day, it allows us empathy and compassion for others, and it breaks when we have painful experiences.

When we’ve been through traumas, bad relationships, heartaches, and loss the heart can get wary. It can become too tough, isolating itself in a protective armor to keep us from more pain. Or become so tender that it breaks at the slightest transgression. Or a mixture of both – armored up one minute and broken the next.

Of course, the heart doesn’t isolate, armor up, or become painfully tender on its own. We experience external circumstances, like a painful breakup, and we respond with our ingrained reactions, which signal what happens next. The process is largely unconscious.

Sometime long ago, when our first middle school romance broke up with us and it hurt (like really hurt), we responded by closing ourselves off for a while. And we felt better. So the next time something similar happened, we did it again. And again, until it became our go-to response.

When we experience bad relationships and don’t fully process and heal, those unhealed feelings get stuck and we experience symptoms like chronic sadness, overwhelm, and shame.

These are normal human emotions, designed to give us messages about the world and pass through us. When they linger, we benefit from clearing our heart energy and empowering our heart to do for us what it’s made to do – allow us to experience both strength and softness, security and hope, pain and pleasure.

In energy medicine, the lower energy centers help us with feeling safe, secure, creative, and connected to being human, while the upper centers help us use our voice, tap into our innate knowing, and connect to something larger than us. As the heart center is between the lower and upper energy centers, it helps connect the two parts of us with its healing, compassionate energy. Energetic heart clearing sessions helps keep everything aligned.

We can experience this healing even if we’re alone. It’s not the aloneness that created this situation, it’s the repeated bad relationships, traumas, and other unprocessed experiences. Empowering the heart gives us the strength to be alone and allows our life energy to flow, easing those painful symptoms that keep us stuck.

When we become unstuck and empower the heart, we glow with life force, attracting the real love we deserve. The right partner. The ONE.

I’m putting together a new program just for women like you, who are alone and don’t want to be. Who are ready and willing to shift how they show up the world, even if they feel they are too broken or too hurt to love again. I can help you heal your broken heart and call in the love you crave and deserve.

Want to heal?

I invite you to consider scheduling a complementary Heart Center Check-In call with me today. You can reach me at ashley@ashleybarnes.org.

Five Little Words We All Need to Hear Right Now

Musings

*Photo by Toimetaja tõlkebüroo on Unsplash*

I reached out to a friend the other day to see how she was doing. Like many, she wasn’t doing well. She hadn’t slept well. She was anxious. And moreover, she was feeling understandably powerless, alone, disconnected, and scared in the midst of this global crisis we’re all experiencing.

I know many of us are feeling the same right now.

I know because I’m seeing the posts and comments on social media with people sharing how scared and alone they feel. People fearing for their families’ health and safety. People fearing for our most vulnerable populations. People fearing this will never end.

I’m feeling the collective grief and sadness. The kids who are missing graduations and proms and friends. The people who are sick. The horrific predictions of how this all could go and how many we could lose. The people who have become severely ill and those who have died. The healthcare workers and “essential employees” who are putting their own lives at risk for ours. The people who have lost their livelihoods and don’t know how they’ll survive when this is over.

And the ambivalence of waiting. Many things feel as if they’re moving faster than ever, yet we’re at home, not knowing what will come next. Not knowing when this will end. Not knowing what or who will be left when it does.

Then that terrible feeling of aloneness. Despite this shared experience with billions across the globe, a dozen Zoom calls a day, and for some, multiple quarantine buddies, there is an unbearable sense of being caged. For the many who are physically alone, the loneliness is even more raw and real.

I know, because I’m right there with you, feeling all the feelings too.

I was working at home full time, but now I’m on furlough, for up to 10 weeks. I’m figuring out how to be unemployed and I don’t have a new routine created yet, so I’m feeling out of sorts.

Although I have a job to go back to for now, I know that few of us will avoid some pain from the financial devastation that’s coming. I’ve also been battling a mysterious fever that comes and goes but doesn’t get high enough to really worry.

Nevertheless, it’s unsettling.

My daughters are feeling caged in, bored, and their raw, teenage emotions are being directed mostly at me.

And in the middle of it all, my sweet cat, Alice, died unexpectedly. Grief upon sadness upon restlessness upon fear. At times, it feels overwhelming, and like it may never end.

What we need right now is support – to feel our feelings and know we’re not alone. So, when I reached out to my friend that day, as she shared how she was feeling, I listened. I set aside my own thoughts and really heard her.

Then I asked her, How can I support you?

How can I support you? The five little words we all need to hear right now.

Yet something so basic, so fundamental to our existence as a social creature, often feels so elusive. We’re taught to be independent and strong, to do for everyone else but not to need anyone else. Until we can’t do it anymore.

That’s not going to work in this current reality. We need for our bodies and minds to be strong to get through this, and for what we’ll be called to afterwards. To do that, we need to allow all the emotions to come. We need to feel heard and cared for in the midst of the chaos. We need safe spaces to process until we can return to our Divine purpose.

So I ask you now…How can I support you?

Because despite all our collective feelings of disconnection, powerlessness, aloneness, and fear, we have access to an innate strength and power – CONNECTION.

I’ve put together a Crisis Care Package, with a collection of supportive offerings.

I’m also available and have open space on my calendar. I invite you to consider scheduling a connection call with me to support whatever is happening in your life right now.

Together, we can get through this.

4 Tips to Stay Connected to Your Soul Self at Work

Musings

With the popularity of more holistic wellness and business practices, there’s been discussion recently about whether we should bring our whole selves to work. Although the tide seems to be turning more towards “yes”, there is still reluctance, and likely for good reason. Work is not the acceptable place to let it ALL hang out.

However, when don’t bring our whole selves to work, the tendency then becomes to compartmentalize ourselves into “Work Me” and “Home Me”. We end up feeling disjointed, a bit like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Eventually, this switching back and forth between different aspects of ourselves can cause us to forget who we are as a whole person and even grow to dislike or attempt to disown valuable parts of ourselves. This of course can be detrimental to our ability to grow personally or professionally.

So instead of bringing our wholes selves to work, what if we strive to bring our soul selves to work?

Our soul selves are the sacred, immutable part of us that is universal, whole, and loving, even when we don’t feel that way outwardly. The part that embodies the essence of who we are and why we’re here. The part that keeps us connected to the work we do. The part that can’t be changed or left at home, even when we go to work. And especially if we work in a people-oriented role (like coaching, counseling, caregiving, teaching, facilitating, and even leading).

Unlike our whole self, which may show up with an attitude of “What you see is what you get”, our soul self tends to be more discreet. When we’re bringing our soul selves, it’s evident in the way we carry ourselves, the integrity with which we do our work, and the way we interact with other people. We don’t need to demonstrate or tell anyone what we’re bringing because our soul self has actions, values, and heart behind it, which is evident in how we show up. And the best part is that bringing our soul selves allows us to integrate all our parts at work and still remain professional.

If that seems daunting, or you’re not sure how to stay connected with your soul self in a work environment, here are four tips that I’ve found helpful over the past several years while navigating my own soul self through the corporate waters.

Know yourself, be yourself

In order not to lose connection to our soul selves at work (or anywhere), we have to know who we are in the first place. Self-awareness is ever-evolving if we’re on a growth path, but there are many personal and professional tools available to guide us on the path. Tools like StrengthsFinder helps us to become more aware of our natural talents. MBTI and DiSC help us understand our personality and how we communicate and interact best with others. Emotional Intelligence helps us understand and deal with our emotional reactions. Therapy can help us uncover and address hidden mental and emotional aspects of ourselves and opportunities for growth. And spiritual tools like meditation and mindful practices help us to center and connect with our inner nature and the bigger energetic forces at play all around us. This list is not exhaustive, but can serve as a great start for digging in a little deeper. The more we know ourselves, the better we can come back to center when our environment (or our inner critic) applies pressure in a different direction.

Ditch the drama

Even in the most professional of environments, casual conversations can quickly turn into gossip, simple misunderstandings can become a spectacle, and the right fuel to the right fire can cause an epic storm that draws in and distracts everyone around it. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to avoid it, drama can be difficult to avoid at work without seeming antisocial. While drama can seem exciting in the moment, ultimately it leaves an icky feeling inside, because it’s not aligned with our soul self. I found a silly graphic online a couple summers ago that became my family vacation mantra: “No drama mama llama”. Having a good mantra or touchstone like this to remind us of where we want to be can be a powerful tool to bring us back to center when we stray.

Build a wall

A few years ago, I was in a work environment that felt out of control and oppressive. And I didn’t have a straightforward escape plan. But I knew I needed to do something to stay focused, motivated, and soul-centered. Enter the “Wall of Inspiration”, my personal collage of inspirational, motivational, and just plain funny graphics which I displayed beside my desk where I could easily see them. My wall gave me instant access to what I needed at any given moment, especially when situations felt out of control or overwhelming. It helped me remember why I was showing up each day, not why I was working in that job at that time, but my bigger purpose and passion. Connecting to these bigger “whys” is essential to helping us stay connected to our souls. It doesn’t have to be a literal wall, but finding ways to be inspired – and to inspire others- daily can keep us on the path.

Orbit the hairball

My favorite business book is Orbiting the Giant Hairball: A Corporate Fool’s Guide to Surviving with Grace by Gordon McKenzie. In it, MacKenzie gives witty yet powerful advice on how to emerge from the “giant hairball” of bureaucracy, rules, and red tape that so often bog down individual genius and creativity within an organization. The idea is that if we orbit the hairball of bureaucracy, just far enough out that we stay connected to the mission and values of the organization, but not so close that we get pulled into mediocrity, soulful, creative “geniuses” can survive corporate life. And more importantly, we can stay true to ourselves. I wish I could say there was a simple trick for this. The pull of the hairball can be strong. However, knowing our strengths and personal values, avoiding drama as much as possible, staying inspired and positive, and visualizing ourselves staying out of the fray can help tremendously to avoid the dreaded hairball and stay connected to our soul selves.

And when we stay connected, we approach our work differently. We react differently in times of stress. We interact with people differently. We simply show up differently, from a place of more integrity, purpose, and heart. And what environment doesn’t need more of that?

Thanks for reading! If you found this helpful, please leave a comment or share!

www.ashleybarnes.org